I have always tried to be the best i can but somehow i never seemed to be good enough. Either as a friend, daughter, sister or girlfriend. Always lacking faults here and there. There are times i wish i could just drop everything. I bet many of you feel that way as well. Probably telling you something you already know. Sometimes i wonder if there will be ever a day if i get to make my own decision without having anyone to tell me NOOOO. The damn stinky part of living in a traditional sikh home. Nobody understands. Being the stinking eldest you have to show a good example for the younger one. BUT HELLLLLLOOOOOOO!! the younger ones tend to be the bigger devils with dual sided characters. As much as i know i should not say it but i can't stand the thought of heading back home and sharing the room with my irritating sister. Back to her usual,...checking my smses....looking through my stuff and later denying it...she makes a damn fucking good liar. I just don't want to go back home. ya the thruth is out!!!! i just don't wanna heads back home. I spent a year here without the unnecessary rubbish i have to face at home. As my friends always tell me i lead a very dramatic life. i can never predict whats going to happen next. Maybe they are right and i HATE living that way!!!!!!!!!!
i am just so down right now. Going back home will be a nightmare. Back to reality of my life. No more independance....freedom....back to asking dad if i can this ...if i can thaat.....F***
4 comments:
Hey mate
Sorry about what u r facing through now. Dun know how terrible it is for u, but well, mayb try to brush off tt tots/matters for now. exams coming...so do well n hopefully u're able to get another year of freedom AGAIN!!
Cheezz
Hey parvin, i know i'm 3 days late (i just read ur entry). I'm very sorry to hear about wat ur going thru.. I understand where ur coming from, the dread, the anxiety of returning back here. But all i wanna say is, for all the times you have to seek permission from your dad, there are the wonderful times u can have with kelvin. For all the times you have your sister snooping around your things, you have me & all your frens caring for you. For all the times you feel you cant talk to your mum, you have your cool aunties and cousins to turn to. And for all the rocky roads you're gonna miss, you have all the malay kuih to buy from friendly makciks. And don't fret, starbux exists in this small island too! love u girl, and selfish as i am, i'm so glad ur coming back!
To my dear cupcakepixie...You have suddenly made me laugh till i dropped cause i know its so bloody tru. I will be back to the makciks and good ole eastpoint..hehe
I know what u mean... i really really do :(
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