The Aftermath...

Little did anyone know that i stood outside the departure gate for a good whole fifteen minutes after he had gone in and waved his final goodbye. I just stared at the gates with a feeling of emptiness. It took some time to sink in. He was actually REALLY REALLY gone. The guard gave me a look but smiled at me just before i turned away to make my way to the station ALONE. I waled past the shops we were browsing through a few minutes ago. I stared and touched the seats we had out lunch at (i know its abit of a drama BUT i DID do such things). I staggered towards the train station. Everything changed in that instant. I was now walking to the station alone unlike the past week where kelvin had been with me. I broke down after so much of control and telling myself not to. It was after i got a call from a close friend, Mel to check if i was doing ok. Of course i was not alright!! I gathered myself and headed down to class. The seat beside me on the train felt so empty. It even hurt to look at it. I looked at my hands throughout the entire journey.


I had a class to rush off to so it distracted me abit. But the hard hit was the walk home. The past few evenings, i would be rushing home after class anxious to be greeted by him. The mere opening of my window blinds which was visible from the traffic junction made me feel so happy. However, when i stared at my blinds from the junction, i sensed a feeling of dread. They were closed. I told myself to be strong and head home. I entered the room and just stood in the centre of it. It felt so empty. The bags were gone. The shoes were gone. His shirts and jackets were gone. It was just ME!! How could it be over so fast?!?!?!?!?! I rushed to the toilet where i spent some time bawling my eyes out. I knew i could not be in the room at that point of time. Thankfully Mel had agreed to meet me in the afternoon. I think i just hugged her for quite a bit. I was just so in need of someone and i knew i could always depend on her. Despite having a test the next day, she wanted to meet me. It was either she came over to my place or i headed down to hers. I did not want to inconvenience her and thus decided to meet her at Strathfield. I think i badly needed to get out of the room.


I did gather myself together. But my bed felt utterly huge in the night. I still lay towards one side of the bed leaving the other half empty. I truned around in the morning as per routine the past week and found the wall staring back at me. My heart felt very heavy. I still sense his presence evrywhere. I still feel as though he is creeping up to me in the kitchen and asking me about the day's plans.


I know its gonna take time for me to get myself together. I will do my best. But its gonna be tough. My housemates have been very understanding. They made sure i had eaten and even offered me supper. *Thanks guys* . I guess i will get better as time goes by...

Life is like the ocean.

In order to survive, you must learn to ride the waves.

Tonia Knouse